1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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