I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
