Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
