So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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