I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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