you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
