He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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