A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
