well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
