Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
