and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
