Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
