My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
