So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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