I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
