Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
