i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
