I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
