oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
