this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
