What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
