im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
