My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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