I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
