med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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