shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
