does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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