Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
be right there i have to get my cape
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
