dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
operation have a gay friend backfired
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
