I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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