i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
