T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
