porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
