So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
