My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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