I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
