Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
