Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
