Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
