what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
