I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's just like the Real World with babies
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
