1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
