I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
bring money and cleavage
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
