I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
