Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
