if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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