My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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