She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
