Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
