I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
