I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
