I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
