I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
