so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
